Just in case, Rahul Gandhi is smart enough to contest PM elections and we are dumb enough to vote him, this is how board exams will be in 2014:
1. Section 66/ A will be imposed in papers. Students hurting anyone’s religious statements through their answers will be arrested immediately.
2. Writing extra questions will be marked & reported as spam. The examiner might also block you & refuse to check you’re paper unless you’re a girl with duckface picture on your hall ticket.
3. MCQs will be modified as “Like for option A, comment for B, share for both”. If the likes are more than comments, option A will be considered as correct answer & relative conditions for option B and C.
4. 90% students will already be declared failed even before exams as per orders issued by Justice Katju.
5. Tax will be imposed on use of supplements. Those taking more than 5, will be surcharged with extra 10% tax. Students taking more threads than required will be awarded secretly for helping the government to execute a new “Thread Scam” worth Rs.279280000 crores.
6. Copywriting will be allowed by supervisors but according to following rules:
General category students- allowed to take cheats of just one chapter.
OBC- 2 chapters.
SC/ ST- 5 chapters.
while anyone with surname Gandhi can carry entire textbook in exam hall.
7. But, unfortunately, if any student is caught copywriting by the squad of Aam Aadmi Party, the case will be filed against the student in Supreme court and continued till he’s found guilty. He will also be allowed to apply a mercy plea to President and hanged immediately as Mr. President won’t give two hoots to his plea. The court will not wait for any mosquito to bit the culprit and cause Dengue as this is a very SERIOUS OFFENCE & there should be no delay in execution of punishment.
8. Some special provisions under which the student can be awarded grace marks:
– if he’s holding a glass of beer in the passport photo on his hall ticket.
– if he is successfully able to download all Honey Singh songs in 3 hours using the WiFi in exam hall (obviously there will be one)
– if he’s able to create at least 75 wordplay puns out of the data on question paper.
– if he promises to comment “cute pic” on all the photos uploaded by Rahul Gandhi & Akhilesh Yadav on Facebook.
9. Guys scoring more than 90% will be made to face Arnab Goswami in news hour cos the ‘nation will obviously want to know’ secret behind their success.
10. Students failing in 1-2 subjects will be made to appear again for the exam next year. And those failing in 3-4 subjects will be invited to give a lecture on Economics at Wharton. In case, there is a rarest of the rare student who has failed in all subjects, he will be immediately appointed to handle PMOIndia’s Twitter account. Like and share this post if you agree.
11. There will be a Harlem Shake dance at the end of exam where students can humiliate supervisor by making him dance alone in the second half too if he’s too strict during the exam.
Well, let’s look forward to these new rules in 2014 and till then, please share this post, as facebook has decided to donate $1 per share to that baby whose heart is outside his body.