Yeh lamha Yeh doorie, Bas do pal ki majburi.

No matter what we are or what we do, it’s always our state of mind at the end of the day that determines us. What you achieved and what you earned is less important. ‘Did it feed the heart in you?’ is primary. And we all are let down by that one fact which differs each time. I don’t even have any time to reflect why it happens or what falls short. I try, I strive, I fail and I accept. It’s become a habit now. Grief is easy to express, hard to expect, harder to deal with. Especially when you are no less and still you are settled on compromises. Speaking unswervingly, I’m let down coz I love someone and that someone doesn’t. I’m let down coz I can’t match her standards. Maybe I can but someone else does better than me. It’s absurd for me and I can explicate that too but I don’t want to. I never point out odds in personal cases. That’s not my way. And real men don’t get provoked by boyfriends of their crush. They get drunk instead. I don’t do that but it’s spontaneous. It happens. We (losers like me) see it, stay unprovoked, let it go, put up with it and people call us wicked. We accept that too. We have no other option. Maybe we can deny the fact. But we are neither intended nor have any inclination to do that. It’s not that today is the day to dig in all this stuff. No. Today is just another day. And it’s all fools day too. I should be having fun at this time. I’m not. Strange.

This is one of the very few times when I tend to find the reason behind that gloomy feeling. I can’t think anything as my thoughts stop over her, but it leaves me with an answer. Though very unclear but whatever. Answer is my obsession for her. I forget that I just get carried away, each time, for no particular reason. I forget there is nothing beyond affable relations and dream of being together. She regales me with few moments but that’s it. It’s the end; where all the hopes and feelings die. It’s good they die rather than staying within and keep pricking. Its better they die thus living some ample space to ponder over other craps. But I disregard, hope is immortal; no matter how dark it is, a little vacuity and hope will bask in the pallid limelight of your thoughts. I really hurts no matter how strong you are. I’m not even strong. I nag behind, losing my self-respect. But I guess you should back off rather than dealing with your hatred. I will do that, now or later. I’m good at letting things go. Ours is a land of heroes and playing loser is pride, in disguise. All I can do is pray god to prove his existence and unite us.

Okay, leave it apart. You know you are screwed when you have to leave the madness apart. You know you are not okay when you get up and listen to music instead of getting hangover. Worse, when you identify yourselves with the lyrics. I stopped playing music in background while typing unruly words. Now, the only sound produced is of space bar key. Life is that eerie. Well, in the end, as I always say, I’m young and I can do better. I can hope, I can try and I can do. Well, let’s anticipate contentment. Till then, have fun. See you on the other side of madness, with not something, so lame and boring.


Casual Outburst

Race. Sounds cool and interesting. Moral or immoral. Required or not. People in India will always be excited about it. Worse if you are a student. Your life is all about race. One more race. Some more races. And the end. They will make you run. It’s their innate right and they shall have it. India is your country and this all is mandatory.

It’s good. Running the race is first step towards feeling the exhilaration of victory. Yes. Run. But make sure you are going to win. Otherwise don’t. Stop where you are and let the crowd go ahead. Let them win. Let them shine. Let them lose. Let them fall.

Being loser. That’s the bad. We Indians suck at letting the things go. From money to virginity. Nothing goes off with ease. Everything sucks. But do it. Let few things go away. We love our pets. Not the smell of their shits.

People will call you loser. Okay. Their ass. Ours is a land of heroes. Everyone wants to be hero. Everyone wants to be best. Everyone tries to be best. Tries to convey they are best. Sounds cool but don’t fall for that shit. Be bad. Be mad. Be glad.

Try. Keep trying. Failure is first step towards success. No. These all are fucked up axioms laid by fucked up people. People who lost their senses. People who are always busy being practical. They never know what life is, in point of fact. Failure never leads you to success. Unless you’re trying to invent new law of gravity. So always remember. Be a winner. Back off if you think you can’t win. Stay quiet. Reflect. Analyze and PWN all other intellectuals.

Never follow the crowd. Never ask anyone for any advice. No one understands your potentials better than you. Just like you never ask the sales guy to choose the best color of briefs for you. You do it on your own. Sometimes you end up picking the wrong.  You regret it and avoid repeating that mistake. But you’ll never ask the sales guy to do that for you. Same way. Be stupid. Do stupid shit. Revamp it. But don’t seek advices.

In India, doctors and engineers steal away all the limelight. Sorry if you are one. But I’d never relate to these people. I’d never respect you for that sole reason. Get a life, I’d say instead. Being doctor just because all intelligent people are the same is not a sign of intelligence. You’re idiot. A kind of idiot who follows another idiot blindly.

Not that I always listen to my teachers. Not that I’m pointing out odds of someone. But my imaginary teacher always told me- Newton brought out the revolutionary change in field of Science but no one gave him money even to cut his hairs. Not that money is what life is all about. But yes. I need money. I want crazy lifestyle. I want pleasurable weekends. I want extravagant delights. I don’t want respect. I have self-respect. I care enough to follow my conscience all the time.

Okay. As I always say. You’re young. You can think. Do your own thing and don’t fall for anyone.