New Format of HSC Board Exam

Just in case, Rahul Gandhi is smart enough to contest PM elections and we are dumb enough to vote him, this is how board exams will be in 2014:

1. Section 66/ A will be imposed in papers. Students hurting anyone’s religious statements through their answers will be arrested immediately. 


2. Writing extra questions will be marked & reported as spam. The examiner might also block you & refuse to check you’re paper unless you’re a girl with duckface picture on your hall ticket. 


3. MCQs will be modified as “Like for option A, comment for B, share for both”. If the likes are more than comments, option A will be considered as correct answer & relative conditions for option B and C.


4. 90% students will already be declared failed even before exams as per orders issued by Justice Katju.

5. Tax will be imposed on use of supplements. Those taking more than 5, will be surcharged with extra 10% tax. Students taking more threads than required will be awarded secretly for helping the government to execute a new “Thread Scam” worth Rs.279280000 crores.

6. Copywriting will be allowed by supervisors but according to following rules:

General category students- allowed to take cheats of just one chapter.
OBC- 2 chapters.
SC/ ST- 5 chapters.
while anyone with surname Gandhi can carry entire textbook in exam hall.

7. But, unfortunately, if any student is caught copywriting by the squad of Aam Aadmi Party, the case will be filed against the student in Supreme court and continued till he’s found guilty. He will also be allowed to apply a mercy plea to President and hanged immediately as Mr. President won’t give two hoots to his plea. The court will not wait for any mosquito to bit the culprit and cause Dengue as this is a very SERIOUS OFFENCE & there should be no delay in execution of punishment.

8. Some special provisions under which the student can be awarded grace marks:
– if he’s holding a glass of beer in the passport photo on his hall ticket.
– if he is successfully able to download all Honey Singh songs in 3 hours using the WiFi in exam hall (obviously there will be one)
– if he’s able to create at least 75 wordplay puns out of the data on question paper.
– if he promises to comment “cute pic” on all the photos uploaded by Rahul Gandhi & Akhilesh Yadav on Facebook.

9. Guys scoring more than 90% will be made to face Arnab Goswami in news hour cos the ‘nation will obviously want to know’ secret behind their success.

10. Students failing in 1-2 subjects will be made to appear again for the exam next year. And those failing in 3-4 subjects will be invited to give a lecture on Economics at Wharton. In case, there is a rarest of the rare student who has failed in all subjects, he will be immediately appointed to handle PMOIndia’s Twitter account. Like and share this post if you agree.

11. There will be a Harlem Shake dance at the end of exam where students can humiliate supervisor by making him dance alone in the second half too if he’s too strict during the exam.

Well, let’s look forward to these new rules in 2014 and till then, please share this post, as facebook has decided to donate $1 per share to that baby whose heart is outside his body.

Advertisements

The Story Of Ravan

image

The freak!

Ravan is said to have been born in the village of Bisrak which was founded by his father, Bisesvara. Instead of burning effigies of Ravan, the residents of Bisrakh worship Lord Shiva cos Ravan was a follower of Shiva. While the rest of the world believes that Ravan is a demon who kidnapped Sita. #FunFact: Women there worship Ravan.

He had power over Navagrahas ie nine planets. According to reteurs, he was a member of Lords’ community on Facebook but then was discarded from there and sent to pariah on earth. He was cursed to die by the hands of God (not Mark Zuckerberg) to attain salvation.

Ravana’s great-grandfather was Brahma, a deity. His grandmother was a demon. Ravana’s father was a sage and his mother was a rakshasa – a type of demon. So, he was a byproduct of all these genes.

Lanka originally belonged to Ravana’s half-brother Kubera, the Lord of the treasures of Swarga. Ravana and his rakshasa allies demanded Lanka from him. Ravana and Kuvera’s father Visrawas advised Kubera to give it up as Ravana cannot be killed by any celestial being. Ravana thus became the curator of Lanka.

Ravana’s sexual prowess is important to note as it plays a critical part in his legacy and downfall. Even as a young man he shamelessly violated women, and blessed with awesome strength, became an immensely virile rakshasa. He was a master of tantric vidya, or magical sexual arts.

Although Ravana was married to Mandodari, the daughter of Asura Maya, he captured thousands of women from his conquests and maintained a harem of unparalleled size.

When, mother Sita was in his captivity, he was cursed that his hands will break if he became horny. Hence, all the Chinese sellers and manufacturing companies of Chowmein were strictly told to move their bases to some other place. And that’s how they went to China, according to India TV.

Q. Differentiate between Ravan and Ra.One (10 marks)

A Cool Guy On Facebook

1. Creates a facebook account. Will everyday upload picture of flowers, babies or coffees with caption ‘Good Morning’ and tag bunch of his female friends. Will check notifications for a while and then comment ‘Hey! Good morning to bolo koi?!’

2. Will post after a cricket match, ‘Congratulations Sachin, you make us feel proud! You are Goddddd. Or mantion whoever scores a century.

3. Will buy a DSLR. Create a facebook fan page. Click shitty photographs and post in album ‘MY EXPERIMENTS’. Like a boss.

4. Posts song lyrics. Expects sympathy from contemporary girls. Blah.

5. Wears Being Human T shirt. For facebook profile picture. (Hahahah!)

6. Does spike. Wears crumpled jeans. And sunglasses- 10x the size of his eyes. Snap photos. Post in album, ‘Mah coool styl£ !!!’

7. Will see a hot chick in city. Send her friend request before she reaches home.

8. Puts status message. Likes it himself.

9. Goes to roadside Chinese thela. Checks-in through ‘KFC’.

10. Goes to CCD. Says to his friend ‘Hey, achhese khinch, CCD ka logo aana chahiye background mein. Kal facebook pe upload karne hai saare photos!’

P. S.-  If anything written above agitates you, cool. You can tweet/blog against me. Thank You.

Cool Guy

  1. Never seen football. But, will wear man united jersey. Messi is the only player he knows. Ronaldo, Ronaldinho #sameguy for him.
  2. Never heard Metallica before. But first one to buy tickets of their concert. ‘Coolest thing ever’. Will go for concert and get surprised ‘Metallica is name of a band and not of a single lady like Maddona.’
  3. Will watch the first show of ‘Ice Age 4’. In Hindi.
  4. Never wears watch. Checks time in his cell phone.
  5. Doesn’t know Chetan Bhagat. But ‘The 3 mistakes of my life’ is his favorite.
  6. Will drive in Porsche. But print a vampires Logo on it. And ya, he is driving in Pors Key!
  7. Will wear MUFTI jeans. Below the waist. Obviously to show the French Jockeys.
  8. Will sign up for blogger. Post lyrics of Pink Floyd songs as a post and share it on facebook. Then send link to all girls in his friend list and say ‘Hey! Check out the cool poem written by me!’
  9. Will go to pubs. Try hard at wooing girls. But will see any random girl and say. ‘Oh shit! She’s my ex! Oh shit! She’s coming towards me! Oh shit! What will I do now! God please save me! Oh shit!’
  10. Will wear Che Guevara T shirts but will pretend and ask ‘Who is Anna Hazare?’
  11. Will never watch Star World. But say ‘How I met your mother is my favorite.’ Will watch CID all the time but say to his friends ‘DEXTER ka latest episode dekha kya? My god kya fucking tha!’ He knows his friends never watch it, hence.
  12. Will go to Juhu beach for a trip. Act like its Bondi beach.
  13. Will use internet slang in real conversation. Will pronounce ‘LOL’ as ‘Lawl’, ‘ROFL’ as ‘Roffle’ or the worst, ‘LMAO’ as’ Limeow’.
  14. Will have high end laptop. But will use it only for playing GTA and IGI. Occasionally, open PowerPoint and create cool banners of his name.
  15. Will buy iPad 3 and play Rohan Rathore’s ‘Tune mere jana’ on it. Will keep Salman Khan as wallpaper and Waka Waka as ringtone.

P.S- If anything written in the post offends or hurts your sentiments/feelings then please let us know. So that we can make more jokes on you.