New Format of HSC Board Exam

Just in case, Rahul Gandhi is smart enough to contest PM elections and we are dumb enough to vote him, this is how board exams will be in 2014:

1. Section 66/ A will be imposed in papers. Students hurting anyone’s religious statements through their answers will be arrested immediately. 

2. Writing extra questions will be marked & reported as spam. The examiner might also block you & refuse to check you’re paper unless you’re a girl with duckface picture on your hall ticket. 

3. MCQs will be modified as “Like for option A, comment for B, share for both”. If the likes are more than comments, option A will be considered as correct answer & relative conditions for option B and C.

4. 90% students will already be declared failed even before exams as per orders issued by Justice Katju.

5. Tax will be imposed on use of supplements. Those taking more than 5, will be surcharged with extra 10% tax. Students taking more threads than required will be awarded secretly for helping the government to execute a new “Thread Scam” worth Rs.279280000 crores.

6. Copywriting will be allowed by supervisors but according to following rules:

General category students- allowed to take cheats of just one chapter.
OBC- 2 chapters.
SC/ ST- 5 chapters.
while anyone with surname Gandhi can carry entire textbook in exam hall.

7. But, unfortunately, if any student is caught copywriting by the squad of Aam Aadmi Party, the case will be filed against the student in Supreme court and continued till he’s found guilty. He will also be allowed to apply a mercy plea to President and hanged immediately as Mr. President won’t give two hoots to his plea. The court will not wait for any mosquito to bit the culprit and cause Dengue as this is a very SERIOUS OFFENCE & there should be no delay in execution of punishment.

8. Some special provisions under which the student can be awarded grace marks:
– if he’s holding a glass of beer in the passport photo on his hall ticket.
– if he is successfully able to download all Honey Singh songs in 3 hours using the WiFi in exam hall (obviously there will be one)
– if he’s able to create at least 75 wordplay puns out of the data on question paper.
– if he promises to comment “cute pic” on all the photos uploaded by Rahul Gandhi & Akhilesh Yadav on Facebook.

9. Guys scoring more than 90% will be made to face Arnab Goswami in news hour cos the ‘nation will obviously want to know’ secret behind their success.

10. Students failing in 1-2 subjects will be made to appear again for the exam next year. And those failing in 3-4 subjects will be invited to give a lecture on Economics at Wharton. In case, there is a rarest of the rare student who has failed in all subjects, he will be immediately appointed to handle PMOIndia’s Twitter account. Like and share this post if you agree.

11. There will be a Harlem Shake dance at the end of exam where students can humiliate supervisor by making him dance alone in the second half too if he’s too strict during the exam.

Well, let’s look forward to these new rules in 2014 and till then, please share this post, as facebook has decided to donate $1 per share to that baby whose heart is outside his body.


Casual Outburst

Race. Sounds cool and interesting. Moral or immoral. Required or not. People in India will always be excited about it. Worse if you are a student. Your life is all about race. One more race. Some more races. And the end. They will make you run. It’s their innate right and they shall have it. India is your country and this all is mandatory.

It’s good. Running the race is first step towards feeling the exhilaration of victory. Yes. Run. But make sure you are going to win. Otherwise don’t. Stop where you are and let the crowd go ahead. Let them win. Let them shine. Let them lose. Let them fall.

Being loser. That’s the bad. We Indians suck at letting the things go. From money to virginity. Nothing goes off with ease. Everything sucks. But do it. Let few things go away. We love our pets. Not the smell of their shits.

People will call you loser. Okay. Their ass. Ours is a land of heroes. Everyone wants to be hero. Everyone wants to be best. Everyone tries to be best. Tries to convey they are best. Sounds cool but don’t fall for that shit. Be bad. Be mad. Be glad.

Try. Keep trying. Failure is first step towards success. No. These all are fucked up axioms laid by fucked up people. People who lost their senses. People who are always busy being practical. They never know what life is, in point of fact. Failure never leads you to success. Unless you’re trying to invent new law of gravity. So always remember. Be a winner. Back off if you think you can’t win. Stay quiet. Reflect. Analyze and PWN all other intellectuals.

Never follow the crowd. Never ask anyone for any advice. No one understands your potentials better than you. Just like you never ask the sales guy to choose the best color of briefs for you. You do it on your own. Sometimes you end up picking the wrong.  You regret it and avoid repeating that mistake. But you’ll never ask the sales guy to do that for you. Same way. Be stupid. Do stupid shit. Revamp it. But don’t seek advices.

In India, doctors and engineers steal away all the limelight. Sorry if you are one. But I’d never relate to these people. I’d never respect you for that sole reason. Get a life, I’d say instead. Being doctor just because all intelligent people are the same is not a sign of intelligence. You’re idiot. A kind of idiot who follows another idiot blindly.

Not that I always listen to my teachers. Not that I’m pointing out odds of someone. But my imaginary teacher always told me- Newton brought out the revolutionary change in field of Science but no one gave him money even to cut his hairs. Not that money is what life is all about. But yes. I need money. I want crazy lifestyle. I want pleasurable weekends. I want extravagant delights. I don’t want respect. I have self-respect. I care enough to follow my conscience all the time.

Okay. As I always say. You’re young. You can think. Do your own thing and don’t fall for anyone.