A Cool Guy On Facebook

1. Creates a facebook account. Will everyday upload picture of flowers, babies or coffees with caption ‘Good Morning’ and tag bunch of his female friends. Will check notifications for a while and then comment ‘Hey! Good morning to bolo koi?!’

2. Will post after a cricket match, ‘Congratulations Sachin, you make us feel proud! You are Goddddd. Or mantion whoever scores a century.

3. Will buy a DSLR. Create a facebook fan page. Click shitty photographs and post in album ‘MY EXPERIMENTS’. Like a boss.

4. Posts song lyrics. Expects sympathy from contemporary girls. Blah.

5. Wears Being Human T shirt. For facebook profile picture. (Hahahah!)

6. Does spike. Wears crumpled jeans. And sunglasses- 10x the size of his eyes. Snap photos. Post in album, ‘Mah coool styl£ !!!’

7. Will see a hot chick in city. Send her friend request before she reaches home.

8. Puts status message. Likes it himself.

9. Goes to roadside Chinese thela. Checks-in through ‘KFC’.

10. Goes to CCD. Says to his friend ‘Hey, achhese khinch, CCD ka logo aana chahiye background mein. Kal facebook pe upload karne hai saare photos!’

P. S.-  If anything written above agitates you, cool. You can tweet/blog against me. Thank You.

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Shit Happens!

It’s not an article. It’s outburst. It’s not a result of lengthy research. I never do that. Neither I reflect nor do I analyze. I speak what my mind echoes. And that goes precise, all the time. I don’t speak against system or anyone in personal. I speak against decisions. Those ruin lives. And, as accustomed, I don’t care about upshots.

CBSE. Or CBSC. Or whatever. I still don’t know what it is exactly. But it’s drivel. It’s introduced so that kids in our state can compete with kids of other states. So uncool. That’s the root of India as I said earlier, the race. But it speaks volume about or political ineptitude. These wise people need to understand that when India loses match against Australia, we change our strategies. Change the management sometimes. Plan hard, strive harder. But we don’t change the color of our jerseys to yellow. That’s it. Bringing in CBSE was sheer sign of our vulnerable determination.

And the fact of assigning this year the tag of ‘experiment’ is ridicule in point of fact. So we are not sure of our results and consequences but we want to move ahead. Great. Even a kid makes sure the key is winded before flaunting his fancy toys. The thing irritates a lot. That’s what all the parents think stamping our fates. That’s what makes us losers. That’s what takes away the life. The experiment.

Not that it is bad. It is wrong. Learning was possible without CBSE. Not that CBSE is beyond intellectual capability. It is overemphasized. It is overrated. It is mandatory. It’s like spending grands on dinner at five star and eating what waiter chooses for you. No priorities at all. No space for creativity. No space to think beyond and prove the potential. No space at all.

Moreover, very few people identify with the things taught. I personally don’t identify with any of the things. Neither I’m interesting in lying down new axioms for speed and velocity nor do I want to play with chemicals for rest of my life. I don’t wish to become a vet and thus have no concern for learning anatomy of lizards. I don’t know what this log table is and I don’t wish to know. It’s not I don’t want to learn. It’s not I’m against it. It’s I can’t do it. It’s beyond my capabilities. You may call me a loser and that’s it. But I don’t like this tag of inferiority. If you don’t like shirts with half sleeves you go for full sleeves. And the vice versa. Every small thing in life has got options but the thing that decides your fate for the entire lifetime hasn’t got any. Even if it has, they are insufficient and unsatisfactory. Knowledge is not the only thing required to survive. You ought to know the world, surpassing parameters laid by education. You ought to see the world beyond the vision of your parents and teachers. Not that they are wrong, but you’re doing it wrong if you don’t have a separate opinion. You should die.

Remove all the doctors/ engineers and India is a big hole. Hard to digest yet true. And that’s the true India. Led by creativity and backed with talent. Very few people try to become something else other than that. Not because they have lesser grades but because they have the stronger will. I’m not opposing the idea of becoming doctor, I’m laughing at the reason behind the idea of becoming a doctor.

Learning science is presently all about dealing with spits. Those with higher grades have to wipe the spits of other people and those with lesser grades have to lick. But spit is a spit after all. No using your brain and no reflecting your own ideas. You have to follow Newton and Einstein without any questions in your brain. If you have, kill it and rot the answers found by these great people. But don’t use your brain. Otherwise we’ll knock you out of the race. That’s the science college. The moment you join science is the moment your life gets a full stop. It’s the end. No beyond and nothing further. Worse, if don’t have little bit of Einstein in your genes. You’re dead. You’ll experience deathly pricks and pangs each moment. Dump your dreams and set your desires on fire. Just hope, you survive.

 

Cool Guy

  1. Never seen football. But, will wear man united jersey. Messi is the only player he knows. Ronaldo, Ronaldinho #sameguy for him.
  2. Never heard Metallica before. But first one to buy tickets of their concert. ‘Coolest thing ever’. Will go for concert and get surprised ‘Metallica is name of a band and not of a single lady like Maddona.’
  3. Will watch the first show of ‘Ice Age 4’. In Hindi.
  4. Never wears watch. Checks time in his cell phone.
  5. Doesn’t know Chetan Bhagat. But ‘The 3 mistakes of my life’ is his favorite.
  6. Will drive in Porsche. But print a vampires Logo on it. And ya, he is driving in Pors Key!
  7. Will wear MUFTI jeans. Below the waist. Obviously to show the French Jockeys.
  8. Will sign up for blogger. Post lyrics of Pink Floyd songs as a post and share it on facebook. Then send link to all girls in his friend list and say ‘Hey! Check out the cool poem written by me!’
  9. Will go to pubs. Try hard at wooing girls. But will see any random girl and say. ‘Oh shit! She’s my ex! Oh shit! She’s coming towards me! Oh shit! What will I do now! God please save me! Oh shit!’
  10. Will wear Che Guevara T shirts but will pretend and ask ‘Who is Anna Hazare?’
  11. Will never watch Star World. But say ‘How I met your mother is my favorite.’ Will watch CID all the time but say to his friends ‘DEXTER ka latest episode dekha kya? My god kya fucking tha!’ He knows his friends never watch it, hence.
  12. Will go to Juhu beach for a trip. Act like its Bondi beach.
  13. Will use internet slang in real conversation. Will pronounce ‘LOL’ as ‘Lawl’, ‘ROFL’ as ‘Roffle’ or the worst, ‘LMAO’ as’ Limeow’.
  14. Will have high end laptop. But will use it only for playing GTA and IGI. Occasionally, open PowerPoint and create cool banners of his name.
  15. Will buy iPad 3 and play Rohan Rathore’s ‘Tune mere jana’ on it. Will keep Salman Khan as wallpaper and Waka Waka as ringtone.

P.S- If anything written in the post offends or hurts your sentiments/feelings then please let us know. So that we can make more jokes on you.

Casual Outburst

Race. Sounds cool and interesting. Moral or immoral. Required or not. People in India will always be excited about it. Worse if you are a student. Your life is all about race. One more race. Some more races. And the end. They will make you run. It’s their innate right and they shall have it. India is your country and this all is mandatory.

It’s good. Running the race is first step towards feeling the exhilaration of victory. Yes. Run. But make sure you are going to win. Otherwise don’t. Stop where you are and let the crowd go ahead. Let them win. Let them shine. Let them lose. Let them fall.

Being loser. That’s the bad. We Indians suck at letting the things go. From money to virginity. Nothing goes off with ease. Everything sucks. But do it. Let few things go away. We love our pets. Not the smell of their shits.

People will call you loser. Okay. Their ass. Ours is a land of heroes. Everyone wants to be hero. Everyone wants to be best. Everyone tries to be best. Tries to convey they are best. Sounds cool but don’t fall for that shit. Be bad. Be mad. Be glad.

Try. Keep trying. Failure is first step towards success. No. These all are fucked up axioms laid by fucked up people. People who lost their senses. People who are always busy being practical. They never know what life is, in point of fact. Failure never leads you to success. Unless you’re trying to invent new law of gravity. So always remember. Be a winner. Back off if you think you can’t win. Stay quiet. Reflect. Analyze and PWN all other intellectuals.

Never follow the crowd. Never ask anyone for any advice. No one understands your potentials better than you. Just like you never ask the sales guy to choose the best color of briefs for you. You do it on your own. Sometimes you end up picking the wrong.  You regret it and avoid repeating that mistake. But you’ll never ask the sales guy to do that for you. Same way. Be stupid. Do stupid shit. Revamp it. But don’t seek advices.

In India, doctors and engineers steal away all the limelight. Sorry if you are one. But I’d never relate to these people. I’d never respect you for that sole reason. Get a life, I’d say instead. Being doctor just because all intelligent people are the same is not a sign of intelligence. You’re idiot. A kind of idiot who follows another idiot blindly.

Not that I always listen to my teachers. Not that I’m pointing out odds of someone. But my imaginary teacher always told me- Newton brought out the revolutionary change in field of Science but no one gave him money even to cut his hairs. Not that money is what life is all about. But yes. I need money. I want crazy lifestyle. I want pleasurable weekends. I want extravagant delights. I don’t want respect. I have self-respect. I care enough to follow my conscience all the time.

Okay. As I always say. You’re young. You can think. Do your own thing and don’t fall for anyone.

Generation next. Generation blatant.- III

This is a series. Read the earlier posts before moving on to this. You can read the first post here. You can read the second post here. Thank you.

Aaryan avoided Diya that day. He didn’t speak with her. ‘What was wrong?’ she wondered. She asked him. “I didn’t like it.” He said. “What? Sammy is friend. Just a friend. What’s wrong with you?” She replied. “Don’t know. But I surely do not like this.” He repeated. “Don’t you trust me?” She asked. He was numb. Things were stretched.

Is she right? She might be wrong. But I should trust her? Should Sammy be trusted? She is my wife. I should trust her. His mind was messed up. Like a jigsaw puzzle. More he thought, more complicated it got. Life is not that easy.

“Sorry for the last night. I trust you. I love you. More than anyone else could do.” He said and kissed her on forehead. She grinned. He left. He was happy. She smiled.

He reached the place he liked the most. The cricket ground. He had an important match that day. To everyone’s surprise, Sammy was included in the team. Vick was surprised. How can it happen? He thought. Aaryan sensed his uneasiness.

“I know what is bothering your mind. Don’t worry. Sammy is a good player.” Aaryan said. “I tell you, he is not to be trusted.” Vick replied. “Chill. He is a good man.” “Amen!”

The match started. Things favored them. Opposite team gave up at a very low score. But it was a game of uncertainties. Aaryan was bowled out for a duck. Another three of his men got out for the same score. Vick was still there, holding the hope. Sammy came on to bat. Two years of patience reflected his game. He felt a strong urge to whack every ball to the boundaries. He did so. They won. Vick and Sammy were the heroes. Sammy was awarded for his brilliant knock. Aaryan instructed them to have rest instead of celebrations as they had another match the next day.

“Hey! Congrats buddy. You nailed it completely. Let’s have a drink.” Vick said to Sammy. “Thank you but I’m not drinking.” Sammy replied. “Cheer up man. You deserve it. C’mon let yourself go.” The more reluctant Sammy was the more Vick forced him. Sip by sip he drank enough alcohol to lose his conscience. Vick was a smart ass. He wanted Sammy to get crapulent. He gave him some more alcohol. Strong. The truth was to be poured out.

“I have feelings for Diya. Deep feelings buddyyyyy…” He screamed. “Yo man! Diya is your stuff. Aaryan is a douche I tell and Diya! So hot man.” Vick agitated him. “Aaryan.. The man makes me uncomfortable. Bloody tyke.” He shouted at his loudest. A keeper knocked his door. “Aaryan sir instructed you to keep piece. Your voice is reaching other guest rooms.” The keeper said. “Let it reach. Tell that cock sucker I’m not gonna listen to him. Understand you moron.” Sammy said and pushed him. The keeper to got hyper. A clash took place. Vick witnessed it interestingly. Everyone hurried to the place as they heard a big noise. Sammy hurled the beer bottle at keeper injuring him badly. The keeper narrated the entire happenings. Vick added to whatever happened earlier and made the entire drama spicier. He told Aaryan that Sammy said he went extreme with Diya. Many a times. Aaryan was frustrated. He was uneasy. He was angry. He was reckless. He went straight way to his wife.

“Sorry. I’m sorry for whatever happened. I went wrong. Please forgive me.” Diya said. Vick was surprised. She really went extreme with him. Aaryan was broke. He cried. He cussed himself. He hated himself for trusting Diya.

Goodness lost the battle with cruelty. Aaryan thought, he was Othello. She was Desdemona. But he didn’t know Vick was the Shakespeare.

 

The Scramble- II

Part II/III. This is a series, read my first post before moving on to this. You can check it here.

The tour was ensuing as expected. Things were going good. They both got well along. Their relationship fostered with plenty of love and camaraderie to blend in. Aaryan introduced her to all his mates. After all, he was proud of his spouse. Diya too was a kind girl and soon got be friends with them. Sammy, Aaryan’s alter ego. They both would never do without each other. May it be their practice sessions or just vagabonding around the city, they needed each other. Sammy was still trying his guts to get into the team. He was chosen, but the troop was packed. He had no place there and hence had to warm the benches for years. Meanwhile, Aaryan continued with his impressive cricket and soon became an important part of the team- the skipper.

Everything was perfect in Aaryan’s life. He got all that he desired. A great cricket career, extravagant lifestyle and a hot life partner, loyal too. Diya too was happy at the way her life blended. A caring husband and yes, a hero, what else did she desire?

Sammy would take her on a stroll around the city as he had visited it before. She too, as a mere pass time, accompanied him when Aaryan was busy in his games. Sammy was generous and kind hearted and treated her like his best buddy. Diya too liked being with Sammy as he was a great entertainer. His puns impressed her. The friendship grew, along with the pressure that started mounting on Aaryan as his side lost three consecutive games. Criticism flooded in through country and Aaryan, the skipper was held responsible for it. It made him lose his concentration. A couple of bad scores were added to his stats as he ended throwing his wicket on bad deliveries. His side ended up with a white wash and the idea of new team rooted in. The bad performers were to be axed. Fingers were crossed. Aaryan, being an outstanding player was given another chance despite his failure.

The decision made Vick lose his temper. He was disappointed at selector’s preferring Aaryan as a captain, overlooking his good performance. He was so not happy. He wanted Aaryan to be prosecuted at any cost. But, he was not entertained. He was given an ultimatum; play under his captaincy or bugger off. Vick was not meant to be silent. He was in search of fuel that would ignite a spark. He would then pour out his rage in that spark and set fire to everyone’s dream. He thought of a plan.

“You deserved place in the team buddy. I had lots of things in mind but as of now, I’ve no authority. My road is blocked but you still have hopes. I heard you’re in great terms with Aaryan’s chick, persuade her and you’re in the team.” Vick said, to Sammy. Vick was sure; Sammy would fall to his words and end up doing a stupid act. Sammy followed Vick’s instructions and pleased the wicked sire.

“I would rather die than not helping my best friend. I shall go straight away to Aaryan and beg him to include you in the team” Diya said, Sammy felt ecstatic. The joy of dreams coming true is altogether a different one.

She spoke to Aaryan about Sammy in so pleasant and pretty manner that Aaryan could not stop her. When she finished, Aaryan said that it was wrong to include Sammy in team just because he was a close friend. He also added that Sammy’s stats were so less impressive than other contemporaries to make it to the national team. However, Diya begged her husband to include him in the team in next match, or the next series at least. She told how hard working Sammy was. “He needs to do more to deserve what he desire. He’s my friend and I know how hard he is striving to put on the blue jersey.” Aaryan said. Aaryan was not convinced, in spite of her sweet words. Diya was very surprised that she had to beg so much for Aaryan to comprise Sammy who was so close to her.

Aaryan had a great match next day. A terrific win and a glorious ton to complement that. Yet again, a match that was lost in horizons of defeat was brought back by Aaryan. This time, with a little bit of help from Vick. Vick was the man who supported Aaryan till the end. Aaryan was impressed by Vick and called him for dinner at his place. Vick willingly accepted the proposal and soon prepared for a thrilling evening. Both of them went together at Aaryan’s house after celebrating the victory with other mates. When they reached there, they saw Sammy bidding good bye to Diya. Sammy waved hands at Aaryan and went. “I do not like this.” Vick whispered, loud enough for Aaryan to hear. Aaryan didn’t say anything. They all had dinner in sheer silence. Aaryan instructed Vick to be on ground early next morning.

Vick got up early next day and headed straight way towards ground. Aaryan was already there, he was not pleased with the delay. They had good time in nets, they hit the ball in right areas and managed to get their mojos back. Aaryan was pleased by performances of his mates. “Can we have a coffee together?” Vick asked Aaryan after their session was done. “Umm, okay sure.” Aaryan replied. Vick was a wise man. He had already influenced Sammy about the greatness of a local café, and in turn, to take Diya there so that she is impressed. He took Aaryan at the same café and about same time. Aaryan, as obvious was shocked to see Diya and Sammy.

“Sammy is not to be trusted.” Vick uttered. Aaryan was disappointed. The situation also made Aaryan remember Vick’s whispered words- ‘I do not like this’- when they saw Sammy bidding good bye to Diya. That put Aaryan in a deep mental trouble.

The Mating- I

Part I/III

Diya, a sweet coquettish and a poison of her alma mater. In her thirties, she looked no less than the young lasses whom she taught. Equally attractive and tempting. Her dad was a prominent industrialist of the city. Living in a community dominated by businessmen he arranged meetups with lads of his contemporaries to put forth her marriage gizmo. But she had something else in her mind. She was never keen to marry rich-young-perfect guys. Instead she dreamt for a hero; a hero on his own.

Aaryan, the hero. A dark tall guy; university champion who bagged the best athlete award almost every year. He was the captain of State Cricket Team and on the final edge of making his way into the National Team. Things got big for him; he was selected for a Carrebian tour where he got to prove his potential. He played some good innings there and made people notice him. He gleamed as a new pin-up hero of the most popular sport in the country. He achieved acme of success. A big fan following and the never-ending attention was what made him hero of his college. A geek turned stud; the stud whom all girls wished to bite.

He loved basking in sunny limelight of his success. He would woo stupid girls and have some good time with them. He would narrate them his heroics as a cricketer and obviously no girl was left unimpressed. Diya was one of them. “You can date your hot teachers” was one of the advantages of being a cricketer; barring heaps of notes with RBI imprints that keep coming in.

“It was the third game in the series of five. Having lost all previous ones, victory was the only way. Mack, the skipper of opposite team won the toss and instructed his openers to tighten their gloves. He chose to bat first and managed putting a big sum on it. India almost lost it, with couple of early dismissals, the line up continued to bundle up. A debutant on crease with a bowler, barely able to bat; victory seemed too unclear. Ball by ball, breathe by breathe, runs got adding in. I managed to stay till last. Last ball, six runs needed and wild swing of my bat. The ball landed in audience and a crowd of millions ranted my name. I was God that day.” He would tell and girls would get impressed. Diya was not an exception. Soon they got to be friends, met at cafes, restaurants and last at night clubs. Chemistry was fully cooked and the time came for one of them to take the initiative. Sensing it, Diya proceeded.

“You’re hero, a type of hero whom I can’t say ‘NO’; no matter what he demands.” She said.

Sensing rightly what she meant, he decided to express his love for her. He did it, she accepted it. A decision waited to be passed by the father whose mind kept changing sides.

“My life belongs to my lover and my knowledge to my father.” Diya said. “I love my man a bit more than I love my dad. It’s difficult for a girl to do that, but after all my mother too did the same. She left her father to be with you.” Diya explained.

A father was speechless. Was it a daughter’s intelligence or dad’s carelessness in taming his daughter? The questioned narked his intelligence.

Love was taken up to next level, the marriage. It was too early to make a decision that early but love had all that ability to clear up hurdles in their way. They got very few days to live in a different equation as the team needed him. He flied to Australia for next contest. She too preferred accompanying her hubby than enjoying the concept of marriage.